This past Tuesday I was sitting at a Starbucks in Bowling Green, post- local morning show and pre-9 a.m.-meeting. Hunched over my computer as always, sipping an iced vanilla latte (venti--I'm addicted and it's bad).
I barely noticed anyone around me. Then, quietly, someone near me says "have a nice day." I looked up to see a young girl dropping napkin on my table and walking away.
Inside the napkin was a note: a verse from Philippians, and a testimony that God had blessed her by providing a way for her to have her college paid for, and for helping her father through a terrible sickness.
At first, I wanted to be a little offended. Why of all the people in Starbucks did this girl single me out? What made me look like such a sinner who needed her witness?
Calmer--albiet over-caffienated--thoughts prevailed. This girl was feeling happy and blessed, and just wanted to share those blessings with someone else. And who can blame her for that? If her witness was about happiness and peace, it was surely a message I could use.
Over the past few months I have felt extremely restless, like something just wasn't settled or should be happening for me... but just wasn't. And this girl pointed out to me exactly what I wasn't doing right.
I tend to focus on goals that I am working toward, things that I want to have or to make happen, instead of stopping and enjoying the things that I have. And that's no way to live! All of those things that we work so hard for aren't worth it unless we enjoy them. It's high time I focus on my blessings in life. So:
1) I come home every day and "feel" home. Sure it's just an apartment. But it has my piano and my furniture and my dog. And I love every inch of the space.
2) I have a dog that curls up with me without me asking. And early in the morning that is such a cozy thing.
3) I work with the BEST people in Kentucky. Hands down. They are already like family and I can't imagine what I would do without them around to give me a good laugh and wise advice every day.
4) I have a boyfriend who helps with laundry and takes out the trash. That, in my world, is priceless.
5) I have a family who loves me unconditionally and who are so much fun to be around.
6) And... (sound trumpets)... I have been given an answer to my restlessness! It seems as though I will be teaching a communications class at Georgetown College this fall. Again, I work with the best people in Kentucky who are totally supportive and willing to work this into my schedule... and I'm so excited to have the opportunity to teach! It is DEFINITELY going to keep me busy this summer... restlessness gone!
Sure, I have so many goals yet to be attained, and SO many unknowns about my life and the turns that await me in coming months. But... I am choosing today to be happy in the things that I have now. Because there's a whole lot to be happy about.
SOUTHERN-ISH IN SIN CITY: Adventures of a Kentucky girl with a new life in Las Vegas...
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Monday, May 9, 2011
Freedom.. and Forgiveness
Last week I finished Freedom, and its ending has been stewing in my head for the past several days. The second half of the book seemed to drag a bit... but I think that was the point. It's a story about a seemingly ordinary family and the ways they hurt each other, and the ways they endure each other. And even if you can't identify personally with what they do and the things that happen, the occurrences are not out of your realm of understanding or possibility.
When I started Freedom, I thought it would be a story of self-discovery and finding a new path through life. Halfway through, I thought it would have a tragic, depressing ending. And I was wrong on both counts. It is a story about forgiveness. And at first I couldn't believe in it. After all the things that had happened, how could this family still have such a capacity for forgiveness and love? Is is really possible for two people to look at each other after so many years of hurt and angst, and still find love? It's a very humbling thing, forgiveness. I think about too many bad afternoon TV shows with families ripping each other apart on Dr. Phil or Oprah, and how many times I've said "I would NEVER forgive someone if they did that to me." But is that really true? Because isn't it true that we hurt the ones we love the most because we CAN? Not that we set out to be hurtful, but the people that care about us are the ones who can absorb our hurt, our anger, our disappointments in each other...and continue to be there for us. The opposite of love isn't hate; it is apathy. So if we hurt over someones actions, the love is still there. I think it takes a terrible amount of energy to hate; and when you add the physical and emotional history that tie our lives to our family and friends, it would take so much energy and emotion to truly severe that tie. To me, the message in Freedom was that this family's capacity to forgive and to love was greater than their desire to spend any more energy on hate and bitterness. It took years, it took time, but the love was always there, waiting to be rekindled, waiting to reconnect.
So, here's to forgiveness, and choosing love.
When I started Freedom, I thought it would be a story of self-discovery and finding a new path through life. Halfway through, I thought it would have a tragic, depressing ending. And I was wrong on both counts. It is a story about forgiveness. And at first I couldn't believe in it. After all the things that had happened, how could this family still have such a capacity for forgiveness and love? Is is really possible for two people to look at each other after so many years of hurt and angst, and still find love? It's a very humbling thing, forgiveness. I think about too many bad afternoon TV shows with families ripping each other apart on Dr. Phil or Oprah, and how many times I've said "I would NEVER forgive someone if they did that to me." But is that really true? Because isn't it true that we hurt the ones we love the most because we CAN? Not that we set out to be hurtful, but the people that care about us are the ones who can absorb our hurt, our anger, our disappointments in each other...and continue to be there for us. The opposite of love isn't hate; it is apathy. So if we hurt over someones actions, the love is still there. I think it takes a terrible amount of energy to hate; and when you add the physical and emotional history that tie our lives to our family and friends, it would take so much energy and emotion to truly severe that tie. To me, the message in Freedom was that this family's capacity to forgive and to love was greater than their desire to spend any more energy on hate and bitterness. It took years, it took time, but the love was always there, waiting to be rekindled, waiting to reconnect.
So, here's to forgiveness, and choosing love.
Monday, May 2, 2011
What's So Great About Me Anyways?
My friend Ashley convinced me to start going to a personal trainer with her twice a week for the next several weeks. Since I have yet to motivate myself this spring, I figured a good friend and a scary person to make me work out might be worth the try. I came home today, put on my gym clothes, and headed to the gym, expecting to be mortified at how out of shape I am. But it was far worse; we didn't even work out--we just took BODY FAT and MEASUREMENTS! Yikes. And let me tell you, this trainer stuff is serious. Our trainer is a big burly Brazlian dude with tattoos down to his wrists. He talked to us a lot about our fitness goals and gave us "homework" to bring back tomorrow, when we really start training. But, it does seem like it will work. At the very least, my wallet is going to be lighter!
This is the first time in a while that I feel like I'm setting a concrete, measurable goal for myself, and it feels good. I've been feeling a bit restless lately; not unhappy with anything particular in life, but just feeling like something is missing. I can't put my finger on what it is. I'm generally an overachiever, and let's face it, I have functioned for the past several years now under a high level of stress. Maybe the abscence of that stress has just thrown me off? Or maybe now that the stress is gone, I don't know what to do with the time. I am really enjoying reading more (ALMOST finished with Freedom!) and of course there's the personal trainer now... but is that enough? What is enough to make you feel happy and fulfilled with just you? Sometimes I feel like I'm good at a lot of things but not really great at anything. And is that a good or a bad thing? Is it better to be ok at a lot of things or to be incredible at one or two things? And if so, what am I so great at? Or at least so good at?
Update on the visit--I took Sean's family to Woodford Reserve, to lunch and shopping in Midway, and to Ashland, the Henry Clay Estate with a quick drive by Keeneland, the Castle in Versailles, and through Georgetown thrown in between. I think they had a good time--and if not, they did a magnificent job of pretending to have fun and tolerating my driving! I don't expect that they will get here very often, so it was really nice to have them see where I'm from and hopefully get to know me a little better. Thanks for all the suggestions on where to take them!
This is the first time in a while that I feel like I'm setting a concrete, measurable goal for myself, and it feels good. I've been feeling a bit restless lately; not unhappy with anything particular in life, but just feeling like something is missing. I can't put my finger on what it is. I'm generally an overachiever, and let's face it, I have functioned for the past several years now under a high level of stress. Maybe the abscence of that stress has just thrown me off? Or maybe now that the stress is gone, I don't know what to do with the time. I am really enjoying reading more (ALMOST finished with Freedom!) and of course there's the personal trainer now... but is that enough? What is enough to make you feel happy and fulfilled with just you? Sometimes I feel like I'm good at a lot of things but not really great at anything. And is that a good or a bad thing? Is it better to be ok at a lot of things or to be incredible at one or two things? And if so, what am I so great at? Or at least so good at?
Update on the visit--I took Sean's family to Woodford Reserve, to lunch and shopping in Midway, and to Ashland, the Henry Clay Estate with a quick drive by Keeneland, the Castle in Versailles, and through Georgetown thrown in between. I think they had a good time--and if not, they did a magnificent job of pretending to have fun and tolerating my driving! I don't expect that they will get here very often, so it was really nice to have them see where I'm from and hopefully get to know me a little better. Thanks for all the suggestions on where to take them!
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